Biblical Blueprint For Manhood: Spiritual Leader Of Your Home
How can I be the spiritual leader of my home when I struggle with porn?
Start by confessing your sin rather than hiding it, the way David did after failing badly and still being called a man after God's own heart. Unconfessed sin, not past failure, is what keeps a man from leading. Proverbs 24:16 says a righteous man falls seven times and rises again. Lead the way Jesus did, by serving, and press on toward what lies ahead (Philippians 3:13-14).
The Bible leaves no uncertainty that a man needs to be the spiritual leader in his home. This is an awesome responsibility and one that creates much anxiety for many men, especially those struggling with porn.
Perhaps you never had a loving father as a role model, and in fact he was mentally or physically abusive to you. And maybe you didn’t have any other men in your life who provided good guidance and spiritual training for you.
You are not alone. Multitudes of men have had setbacks, especially in the area of sexual sin, including one of the greatest heroes of the Bible, David. And yet, the Scripture says that he was “a man after God’s own heart”.
David failed miserably, so how did he come back from such shame and disappointment? The first step he took was to confess his sins – asking for forgiveness and then turning away from his sin. God, in His mercy, forgave him just like He will forgive you.
Related Article: Rescued: One Man’s Journey From Shame To Grace
The greater failure that can keep you from being the godly leader in your home is the burden of unconfessed sin.
Proverbs 24:16 states, “For a righteous man falls seven times, and rises again.” Though we stumble, and at times fall, we are not to stay in that place of defeat. We are called to rise up and move forward.
More Than A Conqueror
In the Conquer Series, a 10-week video-based course created to help men battling pornography, Dr. Ted Roberts shares:
“God wants to turn you into more than a conqueror; not just a conqueror, but more than a conqueror. What “more than a conqueror” means is that every time the enemy knocks you down, by the grace of God, you get back up.”
Of course, that is no excuse to continue viewing porn. But it does mean that God loves you even when you fall short of the standards of righteousness. And He still wants you to rise up and become a spiritual leader in your home.
Related Article: From Porn Star To Pastor: How God Rewrote Joshua Broome’s Story
Remember what Paul said in Philippians 3:13-14: “But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” So don’t let your past hold you back either. You have an important job to do.
Spiritual Leader
So how do you become your family’s spiritual leader? Jesus showed us that to be a leader, you first must be a servant and put the needs of others ahead of your own. Here are a few lessons Jesus taught about leadership:
- He led by example. Jesus did not simply make speeches or give lists of rules to follow. He showed people through his actions and words of truth how to live a life that was pleasing to God.
- He spent personal time with God. The New Testament gives many accounts of Jesus going away by himself to spend time praying and communing with His Father. If these times were strengthening and refreshing for Jesus, time alone with God is also extremely valuable for us.
- He prayed for and with those closest to Him. Imagine the impact on His disciples when they heard Him call their names in prayer or pray for their needs. Your family will feel the same comfort and power when you do the same.
- He was always being a servant. Few things show love and the true spirit of putting other people’s needs ahead of your own than serving them. Humility is a characteristic of a true leader.
- He valued the input of His disciples. Jesus often asked them questions and then intently listened to their answers. Listening to your wife’s insights and feedback (and your children’s, as appropriate) will help you make sound decisions that will benefit the whole family.
Related Article: What Makes A Great Leader
What Is A Godly Man
A key element of the Biblical Blueprint for Manhood is being a godly man. But what does it mean to be a godly man?
According to Pastoral Care, Inc:
“A godly man is more than a male Christian. It is one with integrity, honor, living fully by the Word of God, one who shows love but at the same time, helps encourage others to live according to the Word without reproach. He is a man who goes beyond his own pleasures and has sought a pleasure with Christ.”
Related Article: A Man’s Purpose – What Does It Mean To Be A Man?
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Compelling Truth explains, “The godly man is imperfect and knows that he will remain that way until he is with Jesus in heaven. In the meantime, the desire of his heart is to first and foremost be pleasing to the Lord. He works to live his life as Jesus did, surrendering all areas of weakness to Him in hopes of overcoming them…any man is able to be a godly man if he loves God and seeks to be obedient to Him in all things.”
What Is Adultery
To be a godly man and leader, a person who struggles with porn must take accountability for his actions and admit that his porn viewing is severely impacting his ability to fully follow the Biblical Blueprint for Manhood.
According to Matthew 5:27-30,
“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”
Related Article: What Does The Bible Say About Porn
Jim Vander Spek, the author of Overcoming Lust, wrote, “While (some Christian men) would not condone other sins, like stealing, they somehow have been convinced that lust is different. Unfortunately, victory over sin is not automatic. Rather, as with other sins, this thorny bush must be thoroughly uprooted. Otherwise, it will entangle and prevent us from being fruitful.”
Vander Spek added, “Jesus deplored hypocrisy more than any underlying sin. If we are Christians who harbor sexual fantasies, we are hypocrites – double-minded, unstable men… Even while we are professing our faith and acting clean on the outside, we are actually “dirty cups” on the inside.”
Related Article: Why Is Sexual Sin Against Your Own Body?
The Fight Of Faith
Kevin DeYoung, the senior pastor of Christ Covenant Church in Matthews, North Carolina, said,
“The fight for sexual purity is the fight of faith. It may sound like nothing but hard work and gritting your teeth–the very opposite of faith. But faith is at the heart of this struggle. Do we believe that a glimpse of God is better than a glimpse of skin? Do we believe that God’s steadfast love is better than life (Psalm 63:3)? We’d probably sin less if we spent less time thinking about our sins, sexual or otherwise, and more time meditating on the love and holiness of God.”
Related Article: How Meditating On God Changes Your Identity
God loves you unconditionally and will forgive any sin if we repent. In Psalm 32, King David wrote, “Blessed is the one whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered. Blessed is the man against whom the Lord counts no iniquity.” You can be a blessed man of God!
You Can Overcome Porn
You can become the spiritual leader you want to be. Millions of men have started their journey to freedom through the Conquer Series. It consists of ten videos packed with strong Biblical teaching, powerful testimonies, and engaging action footage.
An interactive study guide and online journal are available to help keep you focused every day on achieving and maintaining your sobriety.
Related Article: How These Men Are Getting Over Porn
You are also encouraged to join a Conquer Group. If none exist in your area, talk to your church leaders about bringing the Conquer Series to your church.
David in Austin, Texas wrote:
“There was a time many years ago that I truly believed I could never be free. Well that was/is a lie! I joined a local group to watch the Conquer Series to stay free, get more free and help those still in bondage. There is nothing else like this program!”
God is calling you out, so that He can call you up. Are you ready to be the man that God designed you to be? Get started at SoulRefiner.com.
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Related Article: What Does The Bible Say About Porn
Writing at the intersection of faith and neuroscience to help men and women break destructive cycles and walk in lasting freedom.
More articles by Jeremy Wiles →Frequently Asked Questions
What does it mean to be a godly man?
A godly man is more than a man who happens to be a Christian. He lives with integrity and honor, takes God's Word as the shape of his actual life, and encourages others toward it without beating them with it. He knows he is imperfect and will stay that way this side of heaven, but the first desire of his heart is to please the Lord and surrender his weak places to Him.
Is looking at porn the same as adultery?
Jesus made the connection Himself. In Matthew 5:27-30 He said that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart. That is not meant to crush you. It is meant to end the argument that lust is a lesser sin you can manage privately. Naming it honestly is what opens the door to getting real help.
How did Jesus model leadership for men?
He led by example rather than by lecture, showing people how to live instead of handing them rules. He spent time alone with the Father in prayer. He prayed for and with the people closest to Him. He served constantly, because humility is the mark of a real leader. And He asked questions and genuinely listened to the answers He got back.
What does more than a conqueror mean?
It means God is not after a man who never gets hit. A conqueror wins the fight. More than a conqueror means that every single time the enemy knocks you down, by the grace of God you get back up. Proverbs 24:16 says a righteous man falls seven times and rises again. The measure is not whether you stumble but whether you stay down.
How do I start leading my family spiritually?
Start small and start now. Pray out loud for your wife and your children by name so they hear it. Guard your own time alone with God, because you cannot lead your family somewhere you are not going. Serve them in ordinary ways before anyone asks. And ask your wife what she thinks, then actually listen. Leadership at home looks like service long before it looks like authority.
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