The Hard Truth: Marriage Will Not Cure a Porn Addiction
Will getting married cure my porn addiction?
No. Marriage does not fix a porn problem. During the honeymoon stage the struggle may go into hibernation, but it resurfaces, and men who believed the myth often start blaming their spouse for it. If you viewed porn as a teen, you learned to medicate pain and stress with a temporary high, and a wife was never going to be that cure.
As the music played, all eyes were fixed on the back of the church.
If you're navigating this kind of pain, betrayal trauma recovery can help you find your footing.
Today was a celebration of marriage. The groom felt a lump forming in his throat as he watched his beautiful bride descend the aisle towards him. He literally felt like the luckiest man on the face of the earth! Not only was he getting a lovely wife, but he was finally going to be free from the secret sin that had haunted him for years.
He would later discover that marriage would not cure his porn addiction.
The Web of Destruction
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You don’t even have to be searching for questionable content. It’s easy to be inadvertently exposed to it through movies, music, or even children’s television programs. Without realizing it, you’ve given in and a seed has now been planted in your mind.
For some, they are able to take this thought captive and turn away from this temptation. But for others, this seed takes root in their lives. Much like a farmer has to fertilize, water, and provide adequate lighting if he wants a valuable crop, this seed of sexuality begins to demand attention. The more it is fed, the more it wants. God has made us, inside of our marriage covenant, to pursue our spouse sexually. It is blessed, however outside of this ordained relationship, pursuing that sexual desire is never satisfied.
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Marriage Won’t Fix Your Porn Problem
As shocking as it may seem, if you viewed pornography as a teen it makes it much more difficult as an adult to not view porn. Why? Because you’ve become accustomed to medicating the pain and stress in your life through the temporary high offered by pornography.
Many believe the myth that when you get married you will not have the desire to view porn because “I will have sex with my spouse and not need it”. They tend to believe that marriage will cure their porn problem. But as Eric Hovind, President of Creation Today, shares, nothing could be further from the truth.
Yes, while the honeymoon stage of marriage is present, a struggle with pornography may go into hibernation. But eventually, it will resurface. When it does, you’ll likely move into blaming everyone and everything else, including your spouse, for your struggle with sexual sin.
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Related Article: How Viewing Porn Is Wounding Your Wife & Hurting Your Family
The Extent of the Damage
Because of the addiction to porn, the betrayed spouse receives the message that their partner is not happy with them in the bedroom. The enemy will use these thoughts and expound on them causing great pain and rejection. Often, self-esteem begins to plummet. Before long, every area of life seems to be negatively impacted.
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Many times the spouse may completely withdraw from their partner – both in and out of the bedroom. They instead may find themselves embracing isolation and rejecting companionship, and in some cases, may give up entirely on caring for themselves and seeking a fulfilling life. It can be difficult, though not impossible, to pull yourself and your marriage back up once you have spiraled into this dark pit.
Celia S. from South Florida is one example of a wife who thought her marriage would never be restored as a result of her husband’s struggle with sexual sin. A few months ago, she shared,
“What a blessing it is to be able to say that what the enemy meant for evil, God clearly meant for good. I have to admit, 19 months ago, it would have been hard for me to see this as the final outcome. But God truly is a miracle worker and has blessed us with the marriage we never thought we would have!”
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Hope Restored
Like Celia and her husband, countless couples have relied on the Conquer Series to help them recover from the wounds of betrayal.
The Conquer Series is a riveting 10-week course that helps individuals on their journey to healing from sexual sin. Using Biblical and scientific evidence, individuals will learn why trying harder does not work. You’ll learn the first step in renewing the mind, which is understanding how watching porn rewires the brain.
As you complete weekly assignments, you can begin to identify where sexual sin may have first taken root in your life. And you’ll be able to combat the lies you’ve been led to believe through finding your identity in Christ.
If you’re ready to fight for yourself and your marriage, now is the time to respond.
Sign up at SoulRefiner.com, and get started with courses that can heal both you and your marriage!
You might also find The Future of Human Connection helpful.
Free download: 5 Conversations Every Engaged Couple Must Have — before the wedding, not after.
Writing from personal experience and biblical truth to help individuals and families find healing, restore relationships, and discover the redemptive power of God's grace.
More articles by Kayla Sullivan →Frequently Asked Questions
Why does porn come back after the honeymoon stage?
Because marriage never addressed what was driving it. While the honeymoon stage is present the struggle may go into hibernation, but eventually it resurfaces. That is the moment most men turn on everyone around them, blaming their spouse and their circumstances for a battle that was never about availability in the first place. The root was there long before the wedding, and it is still waiting.
Why is teenage porn use so hard to leave behind as an adult?
Because of what it trained you to do with pain. If you viewed pornography as a teenager, you became accustomed to medicating stress and hurt with the temporary high it offered, and that pathway does not disappear when you sign a marriage license. God designed sexual desire to be pursued inside the marriage covenant. Pursued outside it, that desire is never satisfied; the more it is fed, the more it demands.
How does a husband's porn use affect his wife?
It tells her, without a word being said, that she is not enough. The enemy takes that message and expands on it until rejection and plummeting self-esteem touch every area of her life. Many wives withdraw entirely, in and out of the bedroom, embracing isolation and in some cases giving up on caring for themselves at all. The damage is real, and it is not hers to carry alone.
Can a marriage recover from porn addiction?
Yes. It can be difficult to pull yourself and your marriage back out of that pit, but it is not impossible. Celia S. from South Florida, who was certain her marriage would never be restored, wrote: "What a blessing it is to be able to say that what the enemy meant for evil, God clearly meant for good… God truly is a miracle worker and has blessed us with the marriage we never thought we would have!"
What does the Conquer Series teach about renewing the mind?
It starts by showing you why trying harder does not work. Using biblical and scientific evidence, the Conquer Series teaches that the first step in renewing the mind is understanding how watching pornography rewires the brain. Weekly assignments then help you trace where sexual sin first took root in your life, and replace the lies you have believed with your real identity in Christ.
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