Your Relapse Early Warning Signal
What are the warning signs that I am about to relapse?
Relapse builds for weeks before the day you act out, and the acronym HALT names four common warning signs: hungry, angry, lonely, and tired. Each one lowers your defenses and raises the pull toward a quick fix. Late-night tiredness is especially dangerous because your frontal lobe goes quiet. Notice which one you are in, respond in a healthy way, and call a brother in your group.
Relapse
For support walking through this, healing from betrayal trauma is a good next step.
Pornography has wreaked havoc on a generation of people who grew up with the internet and are now coming into their twenties and thirties and relapse is becoming an issue.
At some point (hopefully) these men realize the destructive nature that pornography has on their lives and they begin a journey of trying to break free. To begin with, this can be a painful time, as most will try harder to just stop!
As Dr. Ted Roberts, host of the Conquer Series explains, “Trying harder doesn’t work…” What men really need is a deep understanding of God’s Grace, and a process.
Related Article: When Trying Harder Isn’t Enough
A process takes time, and men early in the process will find that they may experience relapse. Thankfully, there are some early warning signals that will help men identify a relapse before it occurs.
Related Article: 4 Ways To Stay Pure And Porn Free
HALT
Relapse can begin weeks or even months before that dark day when we decide to ‘act out’ (act out can mean: masturbate, fantasizing, or viewing pornography).
HALT is an acronym that has been used by recovery groups to help addicts become aware of their emotions and predict relapse. HALT stands for ‘hungry, angry, lonely, and tired.’ These four physical conditions can make us irritable and amplify our desire for a ‘quick fix.’
Related Article: Are You Ready To Do Whatever It Takes To Find Freedom From Porn?
Hungry
If you have ever heard the expression, “hangry,” then you will know how hunger can be linked to emotions. Addicts will often ignore their body’s desire for food, skip meals and be unaware of why they have become irritable, when they just need to eat and maintain a healthy diet.
Angry
Anger can be a trigger for a lot of men, especially when there are unresolved wounds from their childhood. For men who have been using pornography to medicate, they often won’t be aware of their anger until they attempt to stop and the un-medicated anger comes to the surface.
Recovery is often a process of learning how to deal with these emotions in a healthy way through resolving past trauma and regular exercise.
Lonely
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Loneliness, boredom and isolation play a significant role in porn addiction. This can be because it is used to medicate feelings of neglect and abandonment. For some, even when they are around other people they can feel incredibly alone, because it isn’t just about being around people, but experiencing a level of intimacy.
Related Article: Man Dies Alone With Massive Porn Stash
Recovery in this area will involve taking part in recovery and discipleship groups, like a Conquer Group, as well as becoming more aware of God’s presence throughout your day.
Tired
When you are feeling tired, the logical, decision making part of your brain in your frontal lobe is not as responsive and you begin to react emotionally from your limbic system. This is why porn use will peak in the late evening – men are alone and tired with a lower likelihood of being caught.
In the Conquer Series, Dr. Ted emphasizes the need to have all electronic equipment off 30 minutes before going to bed. Phones can be recharged away from the bedroom and any online tasks not completed before 9:30pm can wait until the next day. Setting boundaries like this will make it easier to stand strong at your most vulnerable point.
Related Article: Which Accountability Software Is Right For Me?
If you notice yourself in one of these situations, then be aware of your vulnerability and take steps to move towards a healthy response rather than medicating with pornography.
Picture having an awful day at work while seeing triggering imagery in the sidebar of an online News article. By nightfall, you’re at home and you feel restlessly tired—the kind of fatigue where you’re exhausted but can’t sleep. These kinds of thoughts and feelings are all that’s needed for a relapse to occur. Allowing ourselves to reach this level leaves us open to attack from the enemy.
Related Article: Stress Triggers Sexual Addiction: 5 Steps To Fighting Back
Moving Beyond Relapse
Thankfully, millions of men are learning to respond to these triggers in a healthy way through the cinematic Conquer Series. The Conquer Series gives men tools to prevent relapse and find freedom from pornography.
Through the series we learn that we cannot face the battle for purity and find freedom from pornography by our own strength, we have to understand our desperate need for God’s unrelenting Grace.
With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible. – Matthew 19:26
We are also desperate for the community that God has created us for. Being in a Conquer Group, where you are meeting with men weekly and calling at least one other man every day, is essential for recovery. The other men in your group will be able to help you identify patterns in your behavior and uncover the triggers that most frequently lead to your acting out.
Related Article: Why Man Cannot Quit Porn Alone
Abandon yourself fully to God and allow Him to work through this process. You will become more aware of your triggers and be able to stand strong in the face of relapse.
Find out more about the Conquer Series by visiting SoulRefiner.com.
Writing at the intersection of faith and neuroscience to help men and women break destructive cycles and walk in lasting freedom.
More articles by Jeremy Wiles →Frequently Asked Questions
Why does porn use peak late at night?
Because tiredness shuts down the part of you that makes good decisions. When you are worn out, the logical, decision-making frontal lobe is less responsive and you start reacting emotionally out of the limbic system. Add being alone and unlikely to be caught, and late evening becomes the most dangerous hour of the day for most men in recovery.
What phone boundaries help prevent a late-night relapse?
Turn all electronic equipment off thirty minutes before bed and recharge your phone in another room. Anything online that is not finished by 9:30pm can wait until the next day. These are not legalistic rules, they are boundaries that make it easier to stand strong at your most vulnerable point, when you are tired and your defenses are lowest.
Why does anger surface when I stop using porn?
Because the porn was medicating it. Anger is a trigger for many men, especially when there are unresolved wounds from childhood, and men often do not realize how angry they are until they stop numbing it. Recovery is largely a process of learning to handle those emotions in a healthy way, through resolving past trauma and regular exercise.
Is loneliness the same thing as being alone?
No, and that is why loneliness is so dangerous in recovery. Some men feel profoundly alone in a crowded room, because the need is not proximity but real intimacy. Loneliness, boredom and isolation play a significant role in porn addiction, often medicating old feelings of neglect and abandonment. The answer is a recovery and discipleship group, plus daily awareness of God's presence.
Why doesn't trying harder prevent relapse?
Because trying harder was never the plan. As Dr. Ted Roberts, host of the Conquer Series, explains, "Trying harder doesn’t work…" Men early in recovery usually start by gritting their teeth and promising to just stop, and they relapse anyway. What you actually need is a deep understanding of God’s grace and a process that takes time. Matthew 19:26 says that with man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.
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