Who Am I? Knowing Your Identity Brings Freedom From Porn
Why does my identity matter in breaking free from porn?
Because the belief underneath the behavior is that you are worthless. Dr. Doug Weiss describes the core of the sex addict as the conviction that if people really knew me, they wouldn't love me, and porn becomes the way to cope with that pain. Until that belief changes, the behavior has a reason to return. 2 Corinthians 5:17 says anyone in Christ is a new creation, and the old has passed away.
From the earliest days of our childhood, the foundations of our identity begins to form. Through the various influences we encounter – both good and bad – we develop our sense of our self-value, or self-esteem.
If your church is facing this, porn recovery resources for churches can help you take the next step.
For people struggling with porn, some traumatic experiences may have led to feelings of worthlessness or low self-esteem. Various harmful actions including physical abuse, sexual molestation, or verbal abuse are generally at the root of these distorted perceptions. That feeling of worthlessness doesn’t just come through heavy trauma, but also through the absence of basic needs, like the need for affection or the need to feel loved.
According to Fortify, “The worse you feel about yourself, the more you’re going to seek out ways to feel accepted, important, and in control…People whose habits have progressed to pornography addiction simply stop caring much about their own lives. They report feeling a loss of their sense of hope, purpose, and meaning in life.”
Dr. Peter Kleponis, Ph.D., a Licensed Clinical Therapist, explained,
“Addicts often use pornography as a coping strategy to deal with deep emotional pain. Often they don’t even realize the pain is there.”
Author Jen Ferguson related her husband’s struggle with pornography. “Porn became a sort of respite from rejection, the pain of his past, and his fears of not having what it takes to be a man.”
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Dr. Doug Weiss, a psychologist who is featured in a powerful, cinematic course that helps men find freedom from porn called the Conquer Series, explained, “Sex addicts are usually trying to increase their sense of value through their addiction. At the core of the sex addict is their belief that ‘If they really knew me, they wouldn’t love me.’”
Your Past Does Not Define Your Future
Through the years, the terrible memories of those childhood traumas can become engrained in your mind. As a result, you may have come to believe all the insults, put-downs, and feelings of shame and worthlessness you endured over and over.
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You can’t change the past. But know this, God already saw and heard everything yet loves you unconditionally. He knows your hurts, and He knows your needs. He offers you a fresh start.
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“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold the new has come” (2 Corinthians 5:17).
Satan’s grip on your life has been broken. Refuse to listen to any more of his lies and listen only to the voice of God as He leads you forward. “Knowing this, that our old self was crucified with Him, in order that our body of sin might be done away with, so that we would no longer be slaves to sin” (Romans 6:6).
Related Article: Who You Say I Am: Finding Your Identity In Christ
7 Truths of Identity
So since you are a new creation, you now can look at yourself in a whole different way. Here are seven amazing characteristics of your life as a Child of God as written in Ephesians 1 and 2.
1. You Are Blessed.
God gives you blessings and not curses. “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ” (1:3).
2. You Are Chosen.
You are not insignificant. God has personally chosen you. “For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight” (1:4).
3. You Are Forgiven.
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ALL of your sins have been forgiven, and, yes, that includes pornography. “In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins” (1:7).
4. You Are Spiritually Alive.
Your sin kept you from God, but now you have a new spiritual life. “Made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved” (2:5).
5. You Are Saved By His Grace.
What an incredible gift from your Heavenly Father – just because He loves you. “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God” (2:8).
6. You Are God’s Workmanship.
You are a masterpiece of His craftsmanship. “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do” (2:10).
7. You Are Part of the Family of God.
You may have been rejected or mistreated by your earthly family, but you are now a valued and loved part of the family of believers around the world. “Consequently, you are no longer foreigners and strangers, but fellow citizens with God’s people and also members of his household” (2:19).
Finally, read all of Ephesians 1 and 2. Undoubtedly, this will help you explore the fullness of your identity in Christ. Then remember that God will be with you through your entire journey of recovery from pornography.
Related Article: Who You Say I Am
“Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus” (Philippians 1:6).
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You Have A Fresh Start In Jesus
Whatever happened in the past no longer defines one’s identity once they accept Jesus Christ as their Savior. Confidently accept that your Heavenly Father loves you and wants to see you victoriously living a porn-free life.
As you embark on this exciting journey that God has for you, know that you don’t have to do it alone. Join a small group of men who have personally overcome pornography so they can encourage you and keep you accountable.
Another proven resource to help you find and maintain freedom is the Conquer Series. This 10-week cinematic study has helped millions of men around the world start the process of finding victory over porn. The Conquer Series features powerful testimonies, solid Biblical teaching, insightful scientific information, and military action scenes.
Eric Wagner said, “This program is the first and only program I’ve heard of that actually speaks to the problem and does not berate, belittle or work out of false assumptions about the addiction and gives true practical methods to come to an actual solution.”
He continued,
“Find a way to embrace The Conquer Series. Let God use it to set you free from all of the shame and doubt and disgust you feel. AND restore you to the glorious, fulfilling life He meant for you to live and feel His true joy!”
Writing at the intersection of faith and neuroscience to help men and women break destructive cycles and walk in lasting freedom.
More articles by Jeremy Wiles →Frequently Asked Questions
What are the seven truths of identity in Christ?
Ephesians 1 and 2 name them. You are blessed, chosen, forgiven, spiritually alive, saved by grace, God's workmanship, and part of the family of God. Every one of them is given rather than earned, and none of them is cancelled by your struggle. Read both chapters in full and slowly. They describe the man God already says you are.
Does God forgive porn use?
Yes, completely. "In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins" (Ephesians 1:7), and that includes pornography. Your sins are forgiven, past, present and future. God already saw and heard everything that happened to you and everything you have done, and He loves you unconditionally anyway. He is not offering you a lecture. He is offering you a fresh start.
Why do men with low self-esteem turn to porn?
Because porn promises the sense of value they feel they lack. Fortify puts it this way: "The worse you feel about yourself, the more you're going to seek out ways to feel accepted, important, and in control." Dr. Peter Kleponis, a licensed clinical therapist, adds, "Addicts often use pornography as a coping strategy to deal with deep emotional pain. Often they don't even realize the pain is there."
How do I stop believing the lies from my past?
Start by refusing to treat old insults as verdicts. Those memories became engrained, so the put-downs began to sound like facts. Scripture answers them directly: "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold the new has come" (2 Corinthians 5:17). Keep listening to God's voice rather than the enemy's, and let Ephesians retrain what you believe.
Can I break free from porn on my own?
No, and you were never meant to. Join a small group of men who have walked out of this themselves, who can encourage you and keep you accountable. Alongside that, the Conquer Series is a ten-week cinematic study that has helped millions of men worldwide begin the process, combining powerful testimonies, solid biblical teaching and the science of what porn does to the brain.
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