6 Lies Men Believe When They Struggle With Porn
What lies do men believe when they are struggling with porn?
The first is "I can stop any time," which is ego talking. John Doyel of the 180 Recover ministry explains that you are fighting a physical addiction to the chemicals your own brain releases, so you cannot beat it alone. The second is "it's not my fault," which is denial looking for someone to blame. Ecclesiastes 4:10 is the answer: you need people who will help you up.
The struggle with pornography is lonely, secretive and a lie. A man usually goes to a secluded or private area where he can be alone with just a phone, computer or magazine.
Because of the need to keep his viewing habits totally to himself, he begins to withdraw from contact with his family and friends. He turns into a one-man army to try and battle pornography. He has to develop his own mental defenses to justify his situation.
Unfortunately, many of his thoughts and reasons prove to be lies. The longer he tells himself these lies, the more he begins to accept them as truth. This allows the pornography to grip him even tighter.
Related Article: Man Dies Alone With Massive Porn Stash
Six Lies Common Among Those Struggling With Porn:
1. “I Can Stop At Any Time”
This is a man’s ego talking. They believe that ‘a real man’ is in control at all times. He should control his emotions, be self-reliant, be able to fix any situation, and refuse to show any type of weakness.
Related Article: A Man’s Purpose – What Does It Mean To Be A Man?
But John Doyel, who leads the 180 Recover ministry at Vineyard Columbus, noted,
“Apart from the spiritual battle you are in by simply being a Christian, you are in a physical battle with a physical addiction. You have literally become a drug addict. The drugs you are addicted to are those released in your brain when you become sexually aroused.”
The truth is you cannot stop at any time on your own. The recovery process takes about six months. You need people you can reach out to for support on a constant basis.
As Ecclesiastes 4:10 says, “If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls down and has no one to help him up!” (NIV).
2. “It’s Not My Fault”
Denial is a self-defense reaction. It’s often easier to blame someone else for our problems instead of taking responsibility for them. A man’s pornography usage is no different.
Related Article: Why 68% of Christian Men Watch Porn
It’s not your wife’s fault, your accountability groups’ fault, or the fault of any other person or situation you wish to blame.
It’s hard to admit to having a porn addiction. Mike Genung, the founder of Blazing Grace, explains why it is so difficult.
“A man who’s in bondage to sexual sin is self-absorbed, critical, bitter, and empty. Porn/sex addiction/adultery is his god. He’s like a kid who’s been given a big, sugary, teeth-rotting, lust-lollipop; anyone who tells him he has to let it go is going to get the full force of his fury. He also fears being found out because it will blow his cover as “the good Christian;” when you call him on his sin he’s going to do what he can to twist the blame on you.”
3. “It’s Not Hurting Anyone”
This lie could not be farther from the truth. Your pornography usage hurts your wife, your children, your neighbors, your friends, your church family, and so many others. It destroys the trust, respect, and love those relationships are built on.
Related Article: How Viewing Porn Is Wounding Your Wife & Hurting Your Family
By viewing porn, you are also supporting the massive industry that physically and mentally abuses the actors and actresses, destroys their bodies, and degrades them as objects and not humans.
Luke Gilkerson, the author of Your Brain on Porn, said,
“‘Free porn’ is a misnomer. Pornography always costs somebody something. And it’s the women and girls in our culture, surrounded by boys and men with porn expectations, who often end up paying the highest price.”
Related Article: 5 Ways Porn Ruins Relationships
Matt Fradd of Pints With Aquinas asked, “Do you want to be the man who loves one woman well for the rest of your life, gladly sacrificing yourself for the good of another—experiencing an intimate sexual bond? Or do you want to be the guy who sneaks off to get a fix from your computer screen and your hand? Which one of these sounds closer to the wedding vows you spoke and the man you wish to become?”
4. “If Anyone Finds Out, I’m Finished”
Get the Best of Soul Refiner in Your Inbox
Join over 100,000 readers and receive practical insights, encouragement, and resources for healing, growth, and restoration delivered straight to your inbox.
No spam. We'll never sell or share your email, and you can unsubscribe anytime.
By signing up, you agree to our Privacy Policy.
You know that pornography bondage may come at a very high price. You could lose your family, lose your job, and damage your physical and mental health from the stress of trying to hide your secret.
That’s why getting involved with Christian men in an accountability small group is so important. They are there to support and encourage you in your porn struggle, not to judge or condemn you.
Author Scott Kedersha said,
“Finally, I could not hide my sin any longer. The tension between my outward appearance and inward sin struggle got too intense. One night in community group, I shared with the other five men in my group about my lifelong struggle with pornography. I gave them the gory details, apologized to them for lying to and hiding from them, and verbally vomited all over them. I expected them to laugh at me, tell the pastor on me and kick me out of the church. Instead, they thanked me for sharing, shared they had a similar struggle, and they prayed for me.”
Ultimately, you have much more to gain than lose by being accountable to other Christian men.
Proverbs 28:13 says, “He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy.” (NIV)
5. “Once I Get Married, It’ll Go Away”
Marriage will not release you from your bondage to pornography. Marriage actually may make it worse, by affecting another person besides yourself.
When you view porn, your brain literally changes. Over a short time, new pathways are formed in your brain that become more embedded with each viewing of pornographic images.
Related Article: This is Your Brain on Porn
Your wedding day does not make them magically disappear. New paths can be created during recovery, but marriage alone is not the answer.
Aaron Smith of Husband Revolution explains his experience. “The cure was not getting married; the cure was surrendering to God and believing that He could set me free.”
Related Article: How to Delete Porn from Your Brain
6. “I’m Worthless”
No matter what you have done in your life or are doing now, you are not worthless. Jesus Christ proved that by dying on a cross for your sins – all of them. That includes pornography bondage. If you believe anything less you are believing a lie.
Nothing you will ever do can change that. God himself calls you His child. He is waiting to help you defeat pornography. He wants you to be free.
Related Article: Who You Say I Am
Stop Believing The Lies & Start Living The Truth
You can break free from these lies and your pornography struggle, but you need a process. The Conquer Series is a powerful small group course that uses dramatic video, powerful testimonies and solid Biblical teaching to guide you to a porn-free life.
Conley Nichols is one of millions of men who have been through the Conquer Series. He shares how it impacted him,
“Great Series, the best I have ever seen, it has changed my life…”
Your church may already use the Conquer Series and have small groups that are meeting now, so ask your church leaders. Or you can join an online group.
Related Article: Identity Attacked: How Satan Authors Lies
Related Article: How Toxic Shame Traps You In The Destructive Cycle of Porn
Related Article: Have You Ever Wondered What Do Men Really Want
Choose to break free from the lies that have controlled your life for so long. Sign up for access today!
Writing at the intersection of faith and neuroscience to help men and women break destructive cycles and walk in lasting freedom.
More articles by Jeremy Wiles →Frequently Asked Questions
Why do men believe they can stop watching porn at any time?
It is usually ego rather than assessment. The cultural script says a real man is in control, self-reliant and never weak, so admitting otherwise costs something. Alongside the spiritual battle there is a physical dependence on the chemicals your own brain releases.
Is it true that porn doesn't hurt anyone?
No, on two counts. It damages the trust, respect and love your marriage and family are built on, whether or not anyone knows about it yet. It also funds an industry that abuses and degrades the people in it. As Luke Gilkerson writes, "'Free porn' is a misnomer. Pornography always costs somebody something."
What happens if I tell people about my porn struggle?
Usually the opposite of what you fear. Men who confess to a group expecting to be laughed at and thrown out are far more often thanked, met with similar admissions, and prayed for. Proverbs 28:13 makes the same trade explicit.
Will marriage make my porn use go away?
No, and it can make things worse by pulling another person into it. Porn physically rewires the brain over time, and a wedding day does not reverse that. The cure is not getting married; it is surrendering to God and doing the work.
I feel worthless. Is that part of the addiction?
It is often the engine of it. Shame says something is wrong with me rather than I did something wrong, and that belief drives the cycle rather than interrupting it. Whatever you have done, the cross already answered the question of your worth, and nothing you do changes that verdict.
How to Quit Pornand Find Lasting Freedom
Discover the biblical and neuroscience-based approach that has helped millions of men and
over 50,000 churches break the addiction cycle and pursue lasting freedom.
No Credit Card Needed
Recommended Articles
Porn RecoveryCan Christians Watch Porn? What the Bible Says
A straight biblical answer on whether Christians can watch porn — what Scripture says, why believing men still struggle, and where freedom starts.
Porn RecoveryBiblical Manhood: What Scripture Calls Men To
Biblical manhood isn't about being tougher or more traditional. Here's what Scripture actually calls men to - and the integrity it takes to get there.
Porn RecoveryWhy does my husband choose porn over me?
The question burning in your chest is why you were not enough. That question starts with a false premise. His porn use began as a choice and became a rewired brain chasing a chemical, which explains the behavior without excusing it. Here is what that means for him, and what it means for your own healing.