5 Reasons To Reject Resentment
Why should I let go of resentment after betrayal?
Because resentment works against you, not against the person who hurt you. Hebrews 12:15 warns about a root of bitterness that springs up and defiles many. Left unchecked, resentment can make you physically sick, narrow your perspective to the negative, turn you into your own harshest critic, spread offense into every other relationship, and stall your healing. Your feelings are valid. Bitterness still costs you.
A natural reaction to betrayal is the feeling of resentment. When resentment is left unchecked it begins to root itself as bitterness and unforgiveness.
Like most who’ve experienced betrayal, just hearing the word “forgiveness” may ignite a feeling of contempt. You have every right to feel what you’re feeling. Although, because we have the right to feel that way, doesn’t mean we should. Resentment and unforgiveness works against you.
Forgiveness, on the other hand, works in your favor. Like kryptonite to Superman, forgiveness is the ultimate annihilator of resentment.
Related Article: 4 Steps to Practicing Forgiveness
Hebrews 12:15 says: See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled.
Negative Effects of Resentment
Here are a few ways resentment - the “root of bitterness - works against you:
1. It will make you sick
Just like depression, anxiety, and stress, resentment and bitterness will aggravate your physical being, making you more susceptible to illness and disease. It can cause issues, such as arthritis, digestive problems, headaches, heart problems, high blood pressure, etc.
2. It will change your perspective
Over time, resentment will cause you to put on a new pair of lenses that only see the negative. Thus, destroying opportunities and relationships that can produce joy, happiness, and fulfillment.
3. It distorts our self-perception
The negativity that resentment produces will seep into the recesses of your mind and debilitate your own fruitful healing and growth. Not only will you become grumpy and critical of others, you’ll also become your own worst critic as you feed those negative thoughts the enemy tries to plant into your mind.
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4. It sabotages relationships
The problem with unresolved resentment is, over time, it morphs from being directed at the offender to finding unrestricted, widespread offense with everything and everyone. It can change how you see others; now minor offenses become irrational woes.
5. It impairs healing
If you’ve decided to stay in your marriage and work towards reconciliation and healing, resentment has to be dealt with or it will impair your healing and wipe out the possibility of reconciliation if that is your goal. Releasing the power resentment and unforgiveness holds over your healing is critical. Resentment will keep you stuck and make you bitter.
Related Article: How Wives Are Helping Their Husbands Quit Porn
“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” Ephesians 4:31-32
Holding onto resentment will only bring more pain to your life both mentally and physically. It will keep you from your own healing and cause a lifetime of damage.
So, let go of resentment and find healing through forgiveness. Learn more about how to grow STRONGER TOGETHER in marriage at SoulRefiner.com
You might also find How Do I Know If My Marriage Is Over? helpful.
Related Article: Resentment After Betrayal Kills
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More articles by Karissa Suzanne →Frequently Asked Questions
Can bitterness make you physically sick?
It can. Like depression, anxiety, and stress, resentment and bitterness aggravate your physical body and leave you more susceptible to illness and disease. The issues connected with carrying it include arthritis, digestive problems, headaches, heart problems, and high blood pressure. The pain you are holding onto does not stay locked in your mind. It moves into your body and keeps charging you rent for a room you never wanted.
What does the Bible say about a root of bitterness?
Scripture treats bitterness as something to uproot early. Hebrews 12:15 says, "See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no 'root of bitterness' springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled." Ephesians 4:31-32 gives the instruction directly: "Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you."
Is it normal to feel resentment after my husband's betrayal?
Completely normal. Resentment is the natural reaction to betrayal, and you have every right to feel what you are feeling right now. Nobody should rush you past that or tell you the wound is smaller than it is. The caution is simply this: left unchecked, resentment roots itself as bitterness and unforgiveness, and at that point it stops protecting you and starts working against you.
How does resentment affect your other relationships?
It rarely stays pointed at the person who earned it. Over time unresolved resentment morphs from being directed at the offender into unrestricted, widespread offense with everything and everyone. It changes how you see people, so that minor slights start registering as irrational woes. It also turns you into your own harshest critic, feeding the negative thoughts the enemy is already trying to plant in your mind.
Can a marriage heal after betrayal?
It can, but not while resentment sits untouched. If you have decided to stay and work toward reconciliation, the bitterness has to be dealt with, because left alone it will impair your healing and wipe out the possibility of reconciliation altogether. Releasing the grip that resentment and unforgiveness hold over your recovery is critical. Forgiveness is the one thing that genuinely annihilates resentment, and it works in your favor.
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