The Best Valentine’s Day Present You Can Give
What is the best Valentine's Day gift I can give my wife?
Honesty about your struggle and a real plan for freedom. Americans spend more than 25.9 billion dollars on Valentine's Day, yet 68 percent of church-attending men will romance their wife and then view porn within the month. Flowers do not defend a marriage. Dr. Ted Roberts says what you believe about God matters most, and God's unconditional love, not trying harder, is where healing starts.
More than $25.9 billion will be spent on Valentine’s Day this year, according to NRF. That’s up from $23.9 billion in 2022. This includes $14.7 billion (57%) on Valentine’s Day cards and $9.58 billion (30%) on flowers alone!
Valentine’s Day is clearly a major celebration of gifts between loved ones, including spouses. Yet the grim reality is that 68 percent of church-attending men in America will romance their spouse on Valentine’s Day, yet view porn within the next month.
Related Article: Why 68% Of Christian Men Watch Porn
Further, more than half of today’s divorcees note the role of porn. Current research shows divorce rates double when people begin watching porn. Romancing your wife on Valentine’s Day is great, but it is not enough to defend against a life of hidden sexual struggles.
The Conquer Series
During the Conquer Series, Dr. James Reeves from City On A Hill in DFW explains that until we come to the end of ourselves we can’t come to the beginning of God. Trying harder to quit porn will not work! Before we can move into real healing, we have to understand that our own attempts have failed and that we are desperate for God’s help.
Related Article: This Is Why Trying Harder Doesn't Work
The Conquer Series is a powerful, cinematic, 10-week video series that is helping hundreds of thousands of men find freedom from porn.
Where does this begin? Our view of God. Host of the Conquer Series, Dr. Ted Roberts explains what you believe about God is the most important thing about you. If you have an angry, judgmental view of God, you will be rigid, judgmental, and addicted because you fail to understand God’s grace.
Related Article: Here Is How To Love Your Wife Better
Instead, Dr. Roberts offers 3 steps to begin the healing process from sexual addiction:
1. God’s Unconditional Love
God does not hate you and he is not out to get you. He loves you and has an amazing plan for your life. Jesus loves you so much that he was willing to die for your shot at eternal life. Here are just a few reminders from God’s Word regarding God’s unconditional love:
Psalm 86:15: But you, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness.
John 3:16: For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.
Romans 5:8: God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
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Romans 8:37-39: No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Related Article: How Meditating On God Changes Your Identity
2. Identify The Wounds
Though wounds vary greatly from one person to the next, the Conquer Series addresses that many wounds come from childhood. This may include neglect, abuse, or shaming from a parent or other adult during your early years.
For others, it is the exposure to sexually graphic material at a young age. Many of the men addicted to porn today were first introduced to it at the age of 11—or younger! We are not dealing with a recent concern, but a lifelong exposure that requires long-term attention.
Related Article: Rescued: One Man’s Journey From Shame To Grace
3. Be Honest
This third area cannot be accomplished alone. You’ll need a Conquer Group or similar small group of men where you can share your personal struggles and successes in the journey toward sexual purity.
Related Article: Which Accountability Software Is Right For Me?
Do not buy the lie that you don’t need anyone else’s help. If it has not worked already, your best hope is to seek God and the partnership of other brothers who will share your journey.
The best present you can give your spouse is the best you! It’s not about a big show one day a year, but the little things that add up. Strengthen your marriage by becoming Christ-like and dealing with areas of your life God wants you to address.
Get Started Now
The Conquer Series was specifically designed to prepare you to win the battle for sexual purity.
This powerful video series includes biblical principles and daily practices to help men pursue purity and overcome the temptation to consume porn. You can join the millions of men in over 100 countries who have learned to move beyond “not watching porn” to start living a transformed life.
Related Article: Valentine’s Day: The Secret Restoring Christian Marriages
Related Article: Give The Gift Of A Heart Renewed This Valentine’s Day
Make this a Valentine’s Day to remember. Start your journey to freedom today, and become the man that your wife always dreamed of!
Writing at the intersection of faith and neuroscience to help men and women break destructive cycles and walk in lasting freedom.
More articles by Jeremy Wiles →Frequently Asked Questions
Why isn't romancing my wife enough to stop porn?
Romance is good, but it does not touch what drives the behaviour. Sixty-eight percent of church-attending men in America will romance their wife on Valentine's Day and still view porn within the month. Grand gestures cannot reach a wound formed years earlier or a brain pattern built over decades. Freedom comes from renewing the mind, not from one impressive day a year.
Does porn really affect divorce rates?
Yes. More than half of today's divorcees point to the role porn played in the breakdown of their marriage, and current research shows divorce rates double once people begin watching porn. Hidden viewing erodes trust long before anyone files paperwork. Naming the struggle and getting help now is how you protect the marriage you already have.
Why doesn't trying harder work with porn?
Because your own attempts were never the answer. Until you come to the end of yourself, you cannot come to the beginning of God. Trying harder keeps the focus on willpower while leaving the wound and the shame untouched. The Conquer Series teaches men to fight differently, renewing the mind rather than simply gritting their teeth and promising again.
How does my view of God affect my recovery?
What you believe about God is the most important thing about you. If you picture Him as angry and judgmental, you will be rigid, judgmental and stuck, because you never grasp His grace. Scripture says otherwise: "But you, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness" (Psalm 86:15). Healing starts by seeing God as He actually is.
Where do the wounds behind porn usually come from?
Often from childhood. Neglect, abuse or shaming from a parent or another adult leaves marks that a man later medicates. For many, the wound is early exposure itself, since a great number of men addicted to porn today first saw it at eleven years old or younger. This is not a recent habit but a lifelong exposure that needs long-term attention.
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