Valentine’s Day: The Secret Restoring Christian Marriages
How can a marriage damaged by porn be restored?
Restoration begins when a husband stops trying harder and starts renewing his mind. Churches often treat porn as only a moral failure, but Dr. Ted Roberts says what begins as a moral problem quickly becomes a brain problem, and telling a man to try harder only tightens the noose of bondage. Ephesians calls husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church, giving Himself up for her.
While Valentine’s Day has long become a commercial holiday about affection, flowers and chocolate, the story of Saint Valentine shows a more authentic love than the Hallmark version we are sold today.
It is believed that Saint Valentine was executed by Emperor Claudius II in around 269 AD for refusing to denounce his faith in Christ.
This martyrdom is a real demonstration of what Paul is talking about in Ephesians when he says
“Husbands, love your wives as Christ love the church and gave Himself up for her.”
As men, we are called to die to ourselves, as we love our wives deeply.
Related Article: Husbands, Here’s How To Love Your Wife Well
Falling Short
The sad truth is that 68% of Church going men view porn on a regular basis. Many Christian men will try to romance their partners this Valentine’s Day, yet go and view pornography during the following month.
Related Article: Why 68% Of Christian Men Watch Porn
**Porn has been proven to have a devastating effect on relationships. **
Numerous studies show that men who view porn are more likely to force violent sex acts on their partner. Add to that, 56% of divorce cases show that porn played a role in the break up.
Many of these men are desperate for a way out, they’ve tried to stop but have failed at every attempt.
Related Article: Testimony: One Man's Desperate Attempt To Find Healing
Related Article: The Best Valentine’s Day Present You Can Give
Renewing The Mind
Men struggling with porn are dealing with high levels of shame and a sense of worthlessness. Adult’s Ministry Pastor at Orlando’s First Baptist Church, Chris Ogden explains,
“For a lot of guys that have struggled in the area of sexuality, the lie becomes ‘This is just who I am. This cannot change. This will never go away. I might enjoy a week or a month [of sobriety] here or there but ultimately this is embedded in my soul, I can’t get free of it.'”
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Dr. Ted Roberts, host of the Conquer Series, who has counseled thousands of men to freedom from porn, discusses why so many people in the church can’t stop viewing porn. Churches often treat this issue as a moral one, but fail to recognize it’s mainly a brain problem.
Related Article: How Sexual Sin Sears Your Conscience (VIDEO)
Dr. Roberts shares,
“We tell men to try harder, pray harder, love Jesus more…But, what starts off as a moral problem, quickly becomes a brain problem. Telling a man to try harder is only tightening the ‘noose’ of bondage.”
But there is good news! There is an entire movement of men all around the world who are retraining their brains through the Conquer Series. They are learning to defeat porn and walk in freedom, and you can too!
Ogden recounts, what happens to these men as they go through the Conquer Series,
“As the guys in our church walk through that, you could just see that flame of hope kind of rekindle, and going, ‘I not only believe what they’re saying is true, but I think it could be true for me.’ And I think when that switch happens, that’s when God unleashes the power in the guy’s life.”
Related Article: Let LOVE = ACTION This Valentine’s Day
What Is Possible
Andrew Dunn was married for 11 years when he had a personal realization, “…because of my struggles I had a hard heart and was extremely selfish which took its toll on my marriage.”
Related Article: 5 Ways Porn Ruins Your Life & Your Relationships
After going through the Conquer Series, big changes are happening for Andrew and his wife,
“No more lies or secrets. Our marriage is a lot better, I can talk with my wife, intimacy is starting to be restored, and my walk with God has been restored after 18 years of running from Him and doing things only to please myself.”
Related Article: Restoring Intimacy To Your Relationship
Praise God that there are men around the world, just like Andrew, who are being restored in their relationships this Valentine’s Day!
The Conquer Series has become “ground zero” for the movement of men who are conquering porn. It presents the battle plan for purity. Millions of men have started their journey through this riveting course.
Writing at the intersection of faith and neuroscience to help men and women break destructive cycles and walk in lasting freedom.
More articles by Jeremy Wiles →Frequently Asked Questions
What is the real story behind Saint Valentine?
It is believed that Saint Valentine was executed by Emperor Claudius II around 269 AD for refusing to denounce his faith in Christ. That martyrdom is a truer demonstration of love than flowers and chocolate, and it lines up with what Paul writes in Ephesians: husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her. Men are called to die to themselves.
How does porn damage a marriage?
Devastatingly, and the research is not subtle. Numerous studies show that men who view porn are more likely to force violent sex acts on their partner, and fifty-six percent of divorce cases show that porn played a role in the breakup. Behind those numbers are men who are desperate for a way out and have failed at every attempt to stop, which is why the approach has to change.
Is porn addiction a moral problem or a brain problem?
It starts as a moral problem and quickly becomes a brain problem. Churches often treat it as only the first, so they tell men to try harder, pray harder, and love Jesus more. Telling a man to try harder is only tightening the noose of bondage. Recognizing that the brain is involved is not an excuse. It is what finally makes a real battle plan possible.
What lie keeps men stuck in sexual sin?
This is just who I am. Men carrying high levels of shame and a sense of worthlessness come to believe the struggle cannot change, that it will never go away, that a week or a month of sobriety here and there is the best they can hope for because it is embedded in their soul. When that lie breaks and a man believes freedom could be true for him, God unleashes power in his life.
Can intimacy be restored after a porn addiction?
Yes, and men are living it right now. A husband can go into this hard-hearted and extremely selfish, with the struggle taking a real toll on eleven years of marriage, and come out the other side of the Conquer Series with no more lies or secrets. A much better marriage. Real conversation with his wife. Intimacy starting to be restored. A walk with God restored after years of running.
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