4 Reasons Why You May Still Struggle With Porn

“It’s like I’m constantly fighting a war within myself. I want to stay away from porn. I tell myself every time that I give in that this is the last time … but it’s never the last time.

For leaders wondering where to begin, start a Conquer Group at your church is a good resource.

I can hold out for a little while, but eventually, there I am watching it again. Afterward, I feel ashamed and weak. Of course, when I feel bad about myself, then I want to feel better. Porn temporarily makes me feel better, but it’s this destructive hamster wheel that I just can’t ever exit.”

According to Michelle Habel, a licensed professional counselor candidate, that was how one man tried to explain his porn addiction.

Is that how you feel? Trapped in an addiction that seems to have no end in sight? You’ve tried over and over to break free from the vicious cycle. You have seen the damage porn has caused to your life and the harmful effects it has had on your family.

Related Article: Addiction: It Doesn’t Have To Be This Way

But you just can’t understand why you are stuck continually doing something you know is so destructive. Although there may be many causes and reasons for porn usage, here are a few that are very common:

1. The Past

Many porn users had traumatic events in their childhood that left deep, lasting wounds inside. Abuse in any form – sexual, physical, and emotional – created feelings of worthlessness or crushed your self-esteem.

Related Article: Helping First Responders Heal From Trauma

You have kept those dark secrets locked far away in your heart so nobody will ever know. Initially, you may not even be aware of those wounds. You may have been operating out of them for so long that you believe they are just who you are, without realizing that healing is available for the pain you’ve felt.

The Recovery Ranch explained, “Dissociation in sex addiction frequently occurs when the problem is related to an early trauma …Its core function is a way of “switching off” something unpleasant, a way to get through the situation without dwelling on the details. This is effectively the same as not wanting to focus on the sensation of having a tooth pulled; it’s much better to try to ignore it as best you can.”

2. Medicating

A common misconception is that people use porn to feel good. On the contrary, it’s actually an attempt to minimize the pain that they are feeling. It’s not about feeling more, it’s essentially about feeling less.

Your early trauma caused feelings of shame, rejection, and anger over situations you could not control.

A large contributing factor to porn addiction is feelings of shame. And it’s not what you’re engaging in or looking at, as that would be more classified as being guilt. Shame is often how you’ve been trained to think about yourself.

Related Article: How Toxic Shame Keeps You Trapped In The Destructive Cycle of Porn

Continual feelings of self-condemnation, which brings about an overwhelming sense of judgment on oneself, is most likely present. Literally speaking, a person struggling with pornography disapproves of themselves. And it doesn’t matter if someone in their life presently sings their praises. Inwardly, they are reminded of all of the times when they weren’t good enough – when they just didn’t seem to measure up. Those feelings will often linger, until they are identified and then ultimately handed over to God for healing.

Dr. Ted Roberts, the founder of Pure Desire Ministries and the host of a powerful cinematic study called the Conquer Series, related, “I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve had a man sitting in my office who’s struggled 10, 20, 30 years, and finally he begins to understand the answer to the problem is not trying harder.”

Related Article: When Trying Harder Isn’t Enough

“The turning point for them always takes place when they understand the problem isn’t willpower. It’s a wounded heart. They’re carrying shame within their soul.”

3. The Brain