This Man Found A Way To Help Pastors Fight Porn
How can churches help men who are hiding a porn struggle?
Give them a tool, not just a sermon. Bill Tollis shared his testimony of overcoming porn addiction across Europe and the United States for years, but had nothing men could actually work through afterward. The Conquer Series became that missing piece, pairing biblical teaching with a workbook so men understand the addictive process. In the 1980s Tollis had no one to tell, and stayed silent out of fear.
For many years, Bill Tollis has been telling his testimony around the world of overcoming his pornography addiction.
He’s told it in Hungary, the Netherlands, Slovenia, France, Romania, Greece and the United States.
New Series
But his ministry was always missing one important element – a tool for the men to use to follow through in their own battles with porn. Then he was introduced to the Conquer Series, a video-based resource that combines Biblical teaching with action footage and testimonies geared to help men find a porn-free lifestyle.
Tollis explained that he had been attending a Wednesday morning prayer group of thirty men. One day a pastor told him about a new resource he had heard about.
Tollis said, “He said, ‘Bill, I saw this Conquer Series online and I went ahead and ordered it. It’s a video series with a workbook. Would you look at it for me, and if you like it I’ll implement it and put it in our church?”
Tollis reviewed the series for three days.
“It was unbelievable. I couldn’t come up for air. I loved it so much. And I thought, ‘This is magic, man. This is what I’ve been looking for’.”
The Conquer Series was the missing piece in his ministry.
“That was the key that connected my passion to see men get set free and actually implementing those tools to help men understand the addictive process and how they could come clean.”
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Trial By Fire
He remembered how hard it had been to ask for help with his porn addiction when he was struggling in the 1980s.
“Back then there was no one to turn to. There was no book, no DVD series, no tape series, no speakers who were addressing this issue. I was out there by myself. Couldn’t go to my pastor.”
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“God forbid I couldn’t even talk to my natural father for fear that I’d be shunned. If I went to my pastor I knew that he would throw me out of the church. I just knew it. Shame my wife, shame my kids, embarrass me in the community, so I elected to tough it out. Then I met a Jesus who changed my life. He set me free from cigarette smoking and when it came to it I said, ‘You know what, Jesus?’ I need help. I can’t beat this myself. You’re going to have to set me free from pornography and he did.”
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Now Bill uses his personal experience as the foundation for his ministry (In His Grip Ministry) and leads Conquer Series small groups in his home and helps pastors start using the series in their churches.
New Beginnings
Bill described how he gets a group started. ”We’ll set up a meeting. I’ll come to your church, I’ll do my testimony, and then I’ll show the guys an overview of the Conquer Series and give them the choice if they want to attend the next meeting.”
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“At the first meeting, we get together as a group and we talk about our junk – that’s what we always call it. Everybody puts their junk on the table so it’s a level playing field, and after that there are no secrets. We talk about our stuff and get help. And oftentimes we help one another.”
“It’s 10 weeks, but what’s wonderful about it is that once they’ve gone through that 10 weeks, they don’t want to leave. They want to continue on because of the camaraderie, the trust, because I can tell you what’s going on in my life and you’re not going to condemn me, throw me under the bus, spit on me or throw me out of the house. You understand, you’re empathetic, and that’s the beauty of this program – that we’re all in the same room as one of the guys calls it.”
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Opening Up
“I didn’t understand the potential depth of the ministry when you get into a group like that. Things start to come out. They confess, they start talking about their junk, and that is the magic of the Conquer Series.”
“What I like about the series is that it is a top-shelf, well-done, well-written, well-presented program actually hosted by a former Marine pilot. And it gives us an opportunity to see not just spiritually what has happened to us, but the ravages of the addiction on our brain, and puts tools in our toolbox that we can pull out later on in life so that we can maintain a life of sobriety and spiritual freedom.”
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Where The Rubber Meets The Road
Bill Tollis has seen firsthand the powerful impact the Conquer Series has on men dealing with pornography.
“This is where the rubber meets the road. This is like ‘wow’. Now I’ve got a powerful testimony and I’ve got a tool; that’s what I like. Pastors usually tell me, ‘I don’t have a lead man. We don’t have much of a men’s ministry at all’. I said, ‘Yeah, they don’t want to come together because they don’t want to share their junk. I said ‘Give them an opportunity to say they are watching pornography and masturbating and all the rest of the stuff is going to be easy’.”
Research shows that 68% of church-going men struggle with pornography. The church must be awakened to this devastating porn epidemic that is destroying men’s lives and families.
Related Article: Why 68% of Christian Men Watch Porn
All Men
Tollis believes that the Conquer Series connects with men because
“You’ve either been there and you wonder what the heck happened to you, you are there and you need help, you’re going there because of your lifestyle or you’re a father, a grandfather, a brother or an uncle or a friend and somebody’s going to come to you and say, ‘This is my story. Please help me’.”
Don’t be alone in your church’s desire to help your men overcome pornography usage. The Conquer Series has helped millions of men in their battle, and it can help your men too.
Sign up today for digital access and bring this powerful weapon against porn to your church.
Writing at the intersection of faith and neuroscience to help men and women break destructive cycles and walk in lasting freedom.
More articles by Jeremy Wiles →Frequently Asked Questions
Why do men stay silent about a porn struggle in church?
Fear of what the truth would cost them. Bill Tollis, who leads Conquer Series groups in his home after his own years in the struggle, says of the 1980s, "Back then there was no one to turn to. There was no book, no DVD series, no tape series, no speakers who were addressing this issue. I was out there by myself. Couldn't go to my pastor." Many men are still certain that honesty would cost them their church and their standing in the community.
What actually happens in a Conquer Group meeting?
Men tell the truth about where they actually are. Bill Tollis, who leads Conquer Series groups in his home, describes the first night: "At the first meeting, we get together as a group and we talk about our junk – that's what we always call it. Everybody puts their junk on the table so it's a level playing field, and after that there are no secrets. We talk about our stuff and get help."
Do men leave the group after the ten weeks are up?
Usually they do not want to. Bill Tollis, who leads Conquer Series groups in his home, says, "It's 10 weeks, but what's wonderful about it is that once they've gone through that 10 weeks, they don't want to leave. They want to continue on because of the camaraderie, the trust, because I can tell you what's going on in my life and you're not going to condemn me, throw me under the bus, spit on me or throw me out of the house."
How does a pastor start a men's group about pornography?
Keep the first step low and honest. Bill Tollis describes his approach: "We'll set up a meeting. I'll come to your church, I'll do my testimony, and then I'll show the guys an overview of the Conquer Series and give them the choice if they want to attend the next meeting." Pastors often say they have no lead man and no real men's ministry, but men will come together once someone gives them permission to be honest.
How many church-going men struggle with pornography?
Research shows that 68% of church-going men struggle with pornography. The reach is wider still. Bill Tollis puts it this way: "You've either been there and you wonder what the heck happened to you, you are there and you need help, you're going there because of your lifestyle or you're a father, a grandfather, a brother or an uncle or a friend and somebody's going to come to you and say, 'This is my story. Please help me'."
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