Porn Recovery

Surrendering Shame In A Grace-Filled Church

Published Mar 13, 20234 min read

Quick Answer

Why don't people confess porn struggles at church?

Because shame, guilt, and fear of rejection follow them through the door. People build walls and paint on a smile, and many churches stay passive on the hard subjects, so nobody feels safe naming it. Josh McDowell Ministries found 57 percent of pastors and 64 percent of youth pastors have struggled with porn. Galatians 6:1 tells us to restore a person caught in sin gently.

“You can come as you are

with all your broken pieces

That grace is exactly the starting point the Conquer Series is built on.

and all your shameful scars.

The pain you hold in your heart,

bring it all to Jesus.

You can come as you are.”

These were lyrics that we would sing in church several years ago.

What if you really could come as you are? Would it make a difference?

The answer? YES!

Come As You Are

Today, more individuals are disassociating with who they actually are as they step out into the streets of the world. People believe that they need to have a painted on smile and portray the image that their life is completely perfect.

In essence, we have built walls around ourselves and only welcome a select few (if any!) people into every corner of our lives.

Why?

The simplest answer is shame, guilt, and fear of rejection. These thoughts even follow people just like me and you into church every Sunday.

“A church is a hospital for sinners, not a museum for saints.”-Abigail Van Buren

A large number of churches today have become passive and disengaged, refusing to deal with the hot button topics that are going on within the confines of their church.

Related Article: Why Revival May Not Be Possible...

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Porn In The Church

One of the largest issues is the issue of pornography addiction. It is completely paralyzing those who are walking through the doors of churches week after week. Individuals are struggling with such a dark sin, feeling trapped, thinking, “What will other people think?,” “How will my Pastor respond?,” and more.

Statistics have found that sexual sin is even gripping today’s church leaders. In a study commissioned by Josh McDowell Ministries, 57% of pastors and 64% of youth pastors admitted that they have struggled with pornography, either currently or in the past.

Sadly, individuals remain imprisoned to this bondage because they feel that there is not a safe place to find hope, help, and healing.

Refusing to tackle the tough topics only enables today’s churches to continuously operate with limited functionality. We, as Christians, are not encouraged to turn a blind eye or ignore the cries of our fellow brothers and sisters who are struggling.

“Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the spirit should restore that person gently.” -Galatians 6:1

So how do we create a plan to minister effectively to everyone, regardless of their stage of brokenness?

Saved By Grace

Nick Stumbo of Pure Desire Ministries recently wrote a book to help churches return to the place of offering grace and true acceptance while helping individuals find complete healing. The goal is to help individuals enter into a more personal relationship with God, while drawing them out of the hostage situation that shame and guilt has placed them in.

Safe: Creating a Culture of Grace in a Climate of Shame provides practical tips and personal stories which will help revive a passion for grace within the body of Christ.

Whether you’re a church or an individual who is looking to reclaim your true identity, this book is a must read!

Related Article: Who You Say I Am

Regardless of how far gone you think you or your church might be, there is still hope!

Change can begin today when we completely surrender our fears and insecurities and begin to allow healing and grace to transform and renew us.

When we have completely torn down the walls of shame and model Jesus’ life of vulnerability, we will see a revival spark within ourselves, our family, our church, and our community.

I hope your church will tackle the pornography epidemic head on this coming year. Click here to register for your Soul Refiner account today!

Jeremy Wiles

Founder, Soul Refiner

Writing at the intersection of faith and neuroscience to help men and women break destructive cycles and walk in lasting freedom.

Frequently Asked Questions

What does it really mean to come as you are?

It means bringing the broken pieces and the shameful scars rather than a tidied version of yourself. The song is familiar, but most of us never test it. Instead we disassociate from who we actually are, paint on a smile, and portray a life that looks perfect, building walls that let only a select few into any corner of our lives. Grace only meets what you actually bring.

Should a church be a hospital for sinners?

Yes, and this post puts it in Abigail Van Buren's words: "A church is a hospital for sinners, not a museum for saints." A hospital expects wounds. It does not treat the arrival of a sick person as a scandal. Churches that live that way give people somewhere to bring hope, help, and healing, instead of leaving them imprisoned by a struggle they cannot say out loud.

What happens when a church avoids the hard topics?

Its own people stay stuck. A large number of churches have become passive and disengaged, refusing to deal with the hot button issues happening inside their own walls, and pornography is one of the largest. Scripture leaves no room for that: "Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the spirit should restore that person gently." (Galatians 6:1)

How can a church build a culture of grace?

Start by naming the climate honestly. This post points church leaders to Safe: Creating a Culture of Grace in a Climate of Shame, a book from Pure Desire Ministries offering practical guidance and personal stories for reviving grace in the body of Christ. The aim is to draw people out of the hostage situation shame and guilt have put them in and into a genuine relationship with God.

Is it too late for my church to deal with pornography?

No. However far gone you think you or your church might be, there is still hope, and change can begin today. It starts with surrendering the fears and insecurities we hold onto and letting grace transform and renew us. When the walls of shame come down and we model the vulnerability of Jesus, revival sparks in a person, a family, a church, and then a community.

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