Is The Perfect Storm On The Horizon?
Why should a crisis make me look at my porn use?
Because loss strips away the illusion that you have unlimited time. A near-fatal accident left one man asking what his family would have found in his internet history if he had died that night, and whether he would be glad he spent so many hours chasing fantasy. He would not. Crisis is not condemnation. It is an invitation to stop hiding and take real steps toward freedom.
Please join us in praying for those affected by the devastating earthquake in Afghanistan, and the massive flooding and landslides in Brazil. We know that there are Conquer Groups running in the affected areas and our prayers are with those leaders, their groups, and everyone else in its path.
If this is on your church's radar, porn recovery resources for churches is worth a look.
Across the Nation at the moment there are people dealing with significant loss and trauma, from tornados in southern states, the wild fires in the North West and the ongoing effects of the COVID-19 outbreak. These events can affect us all differently – for some, we kick into gear and jump at every opportunity to help others, for others, we completely shut down and feel overwhelmed.
I believe in the midst of it all though, God has a challenge to us to pause and reflect.
What If
When I was living in Australia, I had been on my way home from work late one rainy night and had fallen asleep on a tram. I woke up half dazed and realized we had just gone past my stop. I quickly pushed the stop button and went to the door to disembark. Without looking I got off the tram, and before I knew it, I was in the air then slammed down onto the cold, wet asphalt.
The driver had failed to stop, her car hitting me at 40 miles per hour. My shoulder had gone through the windscreen and I flipped over the top of the car, coming down the driver’s side and taking out the side mirror.
Miraculously I survived with just some bruises and scratches – I can’t say the same for the car!
During the following week it gave me the chance to reflect on what had happened. I could very well have died that night but God was not done with me yet. I looked at it in perspective of my struggle with porn. You see, my porn use had become my dark secret.
But, what if I had died? What if my life ended there and my friends, my family had been able to see my internet history? Or at the end of all Earthly things, my deepest secrets in this life were revealed – would I have been happy that so much of my time had been spent online chasing fantasy?
No.
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This accident was an opportunity for me to make a change, give up porn and find freedom.
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Can I tell you at that point that I found freedom? No.
Related Article: When Trying Harder Isn’t Enough
Unfortunately, the only way I knew how to find freedom was to pray and try harder, and that’s what I continued doing for the next few years, on my own.
Several years later, I eventually had the courage to open up to some friends who helped me find the help that I needed.
Thankfully now, there are resources like the Conquer Series that can give men the discipleship they need to find freedom – where it is not about trying harder, but about a Grace based approach in the community of men.
Related Article: Surrendering Shame In A Grace-Filled Church
Perhaps you weren’t hit by a car, or impacted by a hurricane, but you realize it’s time you face this massive issue in your life head on. Do you really need to get run over by a car, caught in a tornado or perhaps, your wife finally discovering your double life? For most, the latter is the scariest scenario of all.
If that’s you, then it’s time to get serious.
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God Will Not Be Mocked
Stop waiting for the perfect moment. Stop ‘trying harder’ to not do a certain behavior and begin a smarter approach.
This problem is not just going to go away. The perfect storm is on the horizon. It’s just a matter of time before it wreaks havoc in your life. If you’re hiding a secret sin in your life, you’ll eventually be found out. For God won’t be mocked. My prayer is you don’t need your own Armageddon to wake you up.
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God’s grace is seeking to draw you into a deeper walk with Him. But He loves you so much that He’ll allow you to be brought to your knees to get your attention.
Join the millions of men in over 100 countries who are learning to live free of porn through the proven strategies and practical tools taught in the Conquer Series.
Writing at the intersection of faith and neuroscience to help men and women break destructive cycles and walk in lasting freedom.
More articles by Jeremy Wiles →Frequently Asked Questions
Why doesn't praying and trying harder work?
Because it leaves you fighting alone. Plenty of men pray, grit their teeth, and white-knuckle it for years without ever getting free, not because their faith is weak but because willpower was never the mechanism. Freedom tends to arrive when a man finally finds the courage to open up to other men. The Conquer Series is built on that grace-based approach in community rather than on trying harder.
What happens if my wife finds out about my porn use?
For most men that is the scariest scenario of all, and it is also the most likely one. If you are hiding a secret sin, you will eventually be found out, because God will not be mocked. That is not a threat, it is a reason to move first. Coming clean on your own terms, with help already in place, is a very different conversation than being discovered.
Do I have to hit rock bottom before I change?
No, and praying you never have to is a reasonable prayer. Stop waiting for the perfect moment and stop trying harder at not doing a behavior. This problem does not quietly go away on its own. God's grace is drawing you into a deeper walk with Him, and He loves you enough to let you be brought to your knees if that is what finally gets your attention.
Why do people respond to disaster so differently?
Because loss lands differently on each of us. Some men kick into gear and take every chance to help others. Others shut down completely and feel overwhelmed by all of it. Neither reaction makes you weak or strong. In the middle of it, though, there is usually a challenge from God to pause and reflect on what these events are showing you about your own life.
Where do I start if I am ready to get serious about porn?
Start where millions of men in more than 100 countries have started. The Conquer Series teaches proven strategies and practical tools for living free of porn, and it is designed to be worked through with other men rather than in isolation. It is discipleship, not a willpower program, and it gives you the grace-based approach and the community that private effort could never provide.
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