Pastor’s Wife Shares How Porn Impacts Her Church
How does the Conquer Series help wives, not just men?
It shows a wife what is actually happening in her husband's brain. One pastor's wife admitted she struggled to love a man in their church who would not just stop looking at porn. Watching the sessions on how porn rewires the brain changed that. She saw that these men cannot simply decide to quit, they have to be rewired through the Holy Spirit, and that she could love them.
It’s been almost a decade since we initially launched the Conquer Series to help men find freedom. The impact has been HUGE!
If this is on your church's radar, porn recovery resources for churches is worth a look.
Created for men, this series has helped millions of individuals understand why they’ve remained trapped in sexual sin for a long time, and has been providing them with the Biblical principles and strategies to completely leave that life behind them.
Though KingdomWorks Studios originally created the Conquer Series for men, there is an entirely different group of people who are finding hope, encouragement, and a sense of freedom while watching this powerful series. The Conquer Series is becoming a game changer for men, AND their wives.
Personal Testimony
“I am a Pastor’s wife and mother of 4 children. Over the years, I have had the opportunity in joining my husband while doing marriage counseling. When the Lord moved us to NC, I no longer had the thought of, ‘I wonder if anyone in our church struggles with pornography?’ Instead, my thinking was, ‘I wonder how many men are struggling … and who are they?’"
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As my husband began working with one young married couple, my heart was truly broken for this couple. Their story was devastating but yet, I honestly struggled with loving this man. I didn’t understand why he didn’t just STOP looking at the garbage.
Around this time I received an email from the AFA recommending the Conquer Series to help stop pornography addiction. Once it arrived, the two of us would watch the videos at night after our children had gone to bed. After watching several, my husband approached the young man from our church and told him about the program and asked him if he would be interested. Was he ever! They began meeting once a week.
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After watching the sessions where they explained exactly what happens to the brain after watching porn, my eyes were truly opened. These men could not just make a decision to “stop” and then be done. They truly had to rewire their thinking/brains through the help of the Holy Spirit. It was then that I realized I could… and SHOULD love these men who were struggling.
I told my husband how the series was helping me and that I felt that he should consider bringing the men’s wives in with them for the series explaining the brain effects of porn. He took my advice and it was helpful to this couple.
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I wholeheartedly recommend this series to the women as well.
My husband also plans to use these videos as a one on one Bible Study with our boys. If they can see the devastation BEFORE they are exposed and gripped by the garbage, we will see victory in their lives as well.”
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Healing For Women
We had the opportunity to meet with a woman named Nancy Houston, who previously was over the Crisis Marriages department in a large church. Upon hearing of the Conquer Series, she introduced it to the church. Not only did she show it to men, but she also decided to share the series with the wives as well. The results were astounding!
Women devastated by their husband’s addiction often find themselves feeling, "There must be something wrong with me.”
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Nancy reflected on how the Conquer Series helped women deal with this feeling:
“It’s not my fault, he has a brain problem. Oh, I can partner with him on his brain problem. I can stop being so angry with him and just wanting to hurt him for how he’s hurt me!”
Currently we are working on a new video series. It will be for the wives who are recovering from the trauma of their spouse’s sexual addiction. You can sign up for updates on the new series here.
In the meantime, women are using the Conquer Series to bring healing to their marriages. Some churches are even offering it as a separate group for the wives to understand the struggle that the men are facing and begin to demolish the fears that as a wife, you’re not enough.
You can sign up for digital access with nothing to lose.
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Get started today and join the women who are beginning to see the light at the end of a very dark tunnel.
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Writing from personal experience and biblical truth to help individuals and families find healing, restore relationships, and discover the redemptive power of God's grace.
More articles by Kayla Sullivan →Frequently Asked Questions
Why can't a man just stop looking at porn?
Because it is not simply a matter of deciding to quit. Men caught in this cannot just make a decision to stop and then be done with it. Pornography changes what happens in the brain, so real freedom requires the thinking and the brain to be rewired over time with the help of the Holy Spirit. Understanding that is often what turns frustration with a struggling man into compassion for him.
Is porn really a problem inside Christian churches?
Yes, and leaders who look closely usually stop asking the wrong question. One pastor's wife wrote, "When the Lord moved us to NC, I no longer had the thought of, 'I wonder if anyone in our church struggles with pornography?' Instead, my thinking was, 'I wonder how many men are struggling … and who are they?'" The struggle sits inside congregations and inside marriages being counselled, not only outside the church walls.
Why do wives of men addicted to porn blame themselves?
Because betrayal makes a wife turn the question on herself. Women devastated by a husband's addiction often land on the thought that there must be something wrong with them. Nancy Houston, who previously led the Crisis Marriages department in a large church, put the change this way: "It's not my fault, he has a brain problem. Oh, I can partner with him on his brain problem. I can stop being so angry with him and just wanting to hurt him for how he's hurt me!"
How can a church start helping men who struggle with porn?
Start small and personal rather than programmatic. In this account a pastor watched the Conquer Series with his wife, then approached one young husband in their church and asked whether he would be interested. They began meeting once a week. Other churches have introduced the series more broadly, showing it to men and offering a separate group for wives at the same time.
Can the Conquer Series be used with teenage sons?
One pastor's family planned exactly that, using the videos as a one on one Bible study with their boys. The thinking is straightforward: if young men can see the devastation pornography causes before they are ever exposed and gripped by it, the teaching becomes prevention rather than rescue. Parents should watch first and decide what fits their own sons' ages and readiness.
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