Do women struggle with porn and sexual sin too?
Yes. Over 32 percent of Pornhub's audience is women, and on average they stay on the site longer than men. More than 90 percent of women admit to sexual fantasies, and Fifty Shades of Grey has sold over 150 million copies. Christian women are not the exception. Betrayed wives are especially vulnerable, because sexual sin can become a way to medicate the hollowness a husband's betrayal leaves behind.
Women sexually sin, too. If you look online, you can easily find statistics and facts like these:
- According to Pornhub, over 32% of the audience who visit their site are women. On average, they stay on the site longer than men.
- The most frequent search on Pornhub by women is lesbian pornography.
- Over 150 million copies of Shades of Grey have been sold, and it has been written in over 50 languages.
- Over 90% of women admit to having sexual fantasies.
Related Article: Marriage Recovery: Husbands Helping Wives Heal From Betrayal
It’s a myth to think that Christian women are the exception. You will find more and more social media posts, blogs, and articles about Christian women who watch porn, connect with old boyfriends, read and look at erotica, fantasize, lust, and commit adultery.
Men vs Women
Women betrayed by their husbands are more likely to sexually sin.
When the man who was supposed to pursue his wife pursues someone else, it is the most personal kind of betrayal. It creates deep wounds in her. She feels unloved, unappreciated, and unattractive. That hollowness becomes overwhelming, and she often will go to something that will medicate her pain. Sexual sin can become a quick fix to filling that hole his sin creates.
Related Article: A Woman’s Journey Through Love, Addiction, And Betrayal
She may seek out old flames or take off her wedding bands to flirt with a stranger. She may go through the porn she found her husband watching and become hooked. The attention from other men or the images on the screen stirs something in her that she desperately misses and needs, which leads her to seek out more.
A betrayed wife struggles to be aroused while having sex with her husband once she discovers the infidelity. She doesn’t feel appreciated and valued, so she turns to fantasy while having sex with him. She feels the need to escape because of the pain, disgust, shame, or anger that is triggered inside them when being intimate. She closes her eyes and pictures herself being with someone who finds her desirable and will go to great lengths to be with her and make her feel beautiful and loved.
She may lust and fantasize about the man with the six-pack and gorgeous hair from the gym. However, more often than not, she fantasizes about what a man does. There’s a story. She finds these narratives in porn, erotic novels, and Netflix movies. They tell a story she can replay in her head and cast herself in. It’s seldom about the sex itself. It’s about the narrative leading up to the envisioned erotic experience.
Related Article: Bringing Intimacy Back To The Bedroom
However, porn use, affairs, or fantasies lead a woman to shame and this drives a larger wedge between husband and wife. She begins to believe her husband cannot meet her expectations and needs. Bitterness, blame, and resentment take root. The disconnection in the marriage bed carries over outside the bedroom and destroys their already fractured emotional and spiritual connection.
Related Article: Porn & Sex Addiction: Why It’s Not Just A Man’s Problem
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Lust
This is why Jesus warned us in the Sermon on the Mount about the dangers of lust.
“But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” -Matthew 5:28
It is not a far stretch to say that Jesus was also saying,
_“But I say to you that everyone who thinks of a man with lustful intent has already committed adultery with him in her heart.” _
Lust is selfish and falls outside God’s design for marriage. Jesus said these words to protect and honor the sanctity of marriage. God created a husband and wife to satisfy each other. He serves her. She serves him. He is enough for her. She is enough for him. They share a sweet union where two minds, bodies, and souls become one.
Related Article: Why Marriage Won't Fix Your Porn Problem
Related Article: Who’s Looking at Porn? The Results May Surprise You
You Are Not Alone
If you are in a marriage right now where you are not enjoying the intimacy and connection God designed for you to share with your husband, you are not alone.
Most Christian marriages suffer because sexual sin has infiltrated the union and poisoned the marriage bed. He’s thinking about porn stars, and she fantasizes about a narrative. Either, or both, have invited people into their marriage bed who God does not welcome.
My name is Kristina. My husband betrayed me, and during my recovery journey, I realized I had some sexual sin in my own life that was preventing us from sharing the new intimacy God had intended for us to experience on the other side of recovery.
Related Article: Restoring Intimacy To Your Relationship
If this resonates with you, I invite you to join me and five other Christian women in a 10-week study where we will go through the Conquer Series together. We will dive deeper into what sexual sin does to women and how to overcome it. If you were betrayed and now you both struggle with sexual sin, this study will help you learn the tools to experience freedom and marriage by God’s design.
Whether you have had emotional or physical affairs, looked at porn, masturbated, or fantasized about someone else while having sex with your husband, this will be a safe place to find healing and restoration. I look forward to taking the journey with you.
Frequently Asked Questions
Why do betrayed wives end up struggling with sexual sin?
When the man who was supposed to pursue his wife pursues someone else, it is the most personal kind of betrayal. She feels unloved, unappreciated, and unattractive, and that hollowness becomes overwhelming. Sexual sin turns into a quick fix for the hole his sin created. She may seek out an old flame, flirt with a stranger, or work through the porn she found on his device and get hooked herself.
Do women and men use porn differently?
Usually, yes. A man tends to fixate on the image. A woman more often fantasizes about what a man does, because there is a story she can replay and cast herself into. She finds those narratives in porn, erotic novels, and streaming films. It is seldom about the sex itself. It is about the narrative leading up to the imagined experience, and the feeling of being wanted.
What did Jesus say about lust?
In the Sermon on the Mount He said that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart, in Matthew 5:28. It is not a stretch to hear the same warning spoken to a woman thinking of a man. Lust is selfish and falls outside God's design for marriage, and Jesus said it to protect the sanctity of that union.
Why can't I be aroused with my husband after discovering his betrayal?
This is common, and it is not a character flaw. After infidelity, pain, disgust, shame, or anger get triggered during intimacy, and a wife often escapes into fantasy while being physically present. She pictures herself with someone who finds her desirable. The disconnection in the marriage bed then carries outside of it, feeding bitterness and blame. Naming it honestly is the first move toward repair.
Where can a Christian woman get help for sexual sin?
In a small group of women who will not flinch at the truth. One option is a ten-week study that walks a handful of Christian women through the Conquer Series together, going deeper into what sexual sin does to women and how to overcome it. Whether the struggle has been emotional or physical affairs, porn, masturbation, or fantasy, healing happens in a safe place, not in isolation.
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