Porn & Sex Addiction: Why It’s Not Just A Man’s Problem
Do women struggle with porn and sex addiction too?
Yes. Women reach out deeply caught in porn addiction, husbands describe marriages broken by a wife's infidelity, and parents find teenage daughters seeking out explicit content. Scripture never treated this as a male problem. Hosea was told to go love Gomer again and buy her back, and Jesus refused to condemn the adulterous woman in John 8. Redemption depends on God's love for you, not on how far you have gone.
As an organization that seeks to help individuals find freedom from the bondage of porn and sex addiction, we often find ourselves answering the same question on a regular basis.
“What about women? They struggle with porn addiction too!”
We have been contacted by women who are deeply rooted in porn addiction and are desperate to find a way out. And then there have been the stories from men who share that their marriage was destroyed because of their wife’s infidelities. We are also hearing from parents who have discovered their teenage daughter seeking out inappropriate content. They are fearful of the direction that her life seems to be taking.
The truth is, the battle with sexual sin affects both men and women. And it isn’t something new in society. The Bible has several stories of both men and women having problems with lust, sexual sin, and more.
Related Article: Women Struggle With Porn Too
Gomer
The Old Testament prophet Hosea was married to a woman named Gomer, who was well known for being promiscuous. After bearing three children, Gomer returns to her former way of life. But the Lord instructs Hosea to go bring her back home.
“The Lord said to me, “Go, show your love to your wife again, though she is loved by another man and is an adulteress. Love her as the Lord loves the Israelites…”” -Hosea 3:1
She had moved on, and was now in a relationship with another man. Because of this, Hosea had to pay money in order to restore her to their marriage.
Jesus was the one who paid the price to reconcile us to God. And it doesn’t matter how far you have strayed, or the choices you made. God sees you in the midst of your sin, and still believes you’re worthy of redemption. That redemption has nothing to do with the choices that you’ve made, but instead has everything to do with the abundance of love that God has for you.
Related Article: Surrendering Shame In A Grace-Filled Church
Jesus’s love isn’t conditional. It’s not an “if you, then I” kind of love. It’s always there, always inviting you to accept it. His love holds no record of wrong, but transforms you as you lean into Him.
Are you willing to accept His love for you?
Related Article: Women Sexually Sin, Too
Redemption Story
An adulterous woman was brought before Jesus in John 8. As per custom, she should have been stoned. But Jesus told the accusers that the one who had no sin in their life could cast the first stone. One by one, each person withdrew. Jesus then tells the woman that she has not been condemned, and that she should go and sin no more.
Under the law, Jesus could have cast the first stone. Instead, He chose to offer grace, mercy, love, and forgiveness – all of which are available to us.
God will convict us of our wrong-doing, but will never condemn us if we belong to Him. Romans 8 tells us that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ.
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Conviction highlights the sin, not to cause pain or shame, but to allow healing to begin. It tends to cause us to repent and take action to turn our sinking ship around.
Condemnation illuminates the sin in an attempt to tell you that you’re too dirty to ever be made clean. It’s a lie used by the enemy, whether he plants the thought directly or uses a person or persons in your life to reaffirm this negativity. As a result of condemnation, one will typically choose to remain in bondage. They will fear the outcome of confessing such a dark secret, and that relinquishes continued power to the enemy in this area of life.
Related Article: Full Disclosure – How Victory Over Shame Comes Through Honesty
It is possible that you will experience those who do look down upon you for your confession of sin. However, God will also bring those into your life who will encourage you, pray for you, and support you every step of the way. His opinion of you far outweighs that of those around you, as His has an eternal impact.
King David
One of the most classic examples of sexual immorality is that of King David (2 Samuel 11). Unable to control his desires, David sent for Bathsheba and had sex with her. Now she was already a married woman, who later found out that she was pregnant. King David devised a plan to cover up his sin, calling for her husband to be brought home from the war. But when Uriah, Bathsheba’s husband, refused to return home to his wife, King David orchestrated his death.
Nonetheless, King David was considered a man after God’s own heart. He was considered faithful in the journey. But how? Because He was willing to lay Himself bare before God, seeking forgiveness and choosing repentance.
One wrong choice doesn’t make you a failure for the rest of your life. In Christ, redemption is possible. However, you must open your heart.
Related Article: C.S. Lewis On Porn And Masturbation
Denial is one of the biggest factors that keep people trapped in sexual sin today. You cannot continue to fight against freedom, seeking to protect and defend the choices you’ve made. Instead, you must acknowledge your wrong-doing and make an honest choice to seek freedom – regardless of the cost to you.
Related Article: The Church & Porn: Not Just A Men's Issue Anymore
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Porn’s Impact On Today’s Society
There are plenty of other examples of sexual sin in the Bible, but let’s take a look at the impact of pornography on society today.
- United Families International reports that 1 in 3 porn viewers are women.
- The Barna Group reports that 63% of men aged 18-30 view pornography several times per week.
- In a study conducted by the University of Oklahoma, 33% of married women view porn at least once per week.
- Utah Coalition Against Pornography reports that 40 million Americans claim to be regular visitors to pornography sites. Of those surveyed, 67% were male and 33% were female.
- Covenant Eyes reports that men prefer images, whereas women lean more towards erotic stories and romance sites.
Related Article: 15 Mind-Blowing Statistics About Pornography And The Church
The struggle with porn could be culturally driven, as sexually explicit content is on the rise. But likely for many who are struggling, the root goes much deeper.
Many who struggle with addiction are dealing with a wounded heart. Any number of factors could contribute to this pain, including sexual abuse, verbal abuse, feelings of neglect after parents were divorced, or witnessing a traumatic event. And all it takes is one peek, and a person can find themselves on the path to full-blown addiction.
Letting Go
The enemy thrives in secrecy. His desire is for you to deal with daily condemnation for the choices you have made, and even the things that you have had to endure. In an attempt to hold you hostage to the pain, he will cloak you in shame. But we reclaim our power back from the hands of Satan when we boldly and confidently speak our truth.
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In her book, She is Free: Learning the Truth About the Lies That Hold You Captive, Andi Andrew shares,
“Apparently to be set free from shame, I really needed to let go of what everyone thought of me.”
After discussing the woman with the issue of blood in Mark 5:25-34, she states, “To go from captivity to freedom, we must humble ourselves like the woman with the issue of blood and say, ‘I don’t care what the cost is and I no longer care what people think; I will do whatever it takes to get free from this bondage.’ We must have the tenacity to push through and touch Jesus even when others tell us to give up.”
Solution To The Problem
Looking out upon the vastness of the journey to healing from porn addiction, the mountain in front of you can seem larger than you can scale within your own strength. But we are not meant to live life in isolation.
Thankfully, churches all around the world are stepping forward to lead individuals to freedom through the use of the powerful, cinematic study called the Conquer Series.
Related Article: Church Enlists 10% Of Town To Battle Against Porn
The Conquer Series will help you understand the importance of learning your identity in Christ. It will help you identify the areas of deepest pain, allowing it to be brought to the surface where you can abolish the lies of Satan by applying the truth of God’s Word.
And, maybe for the first time, you will begin to understand why all of your attempts to try harder failed. Combining science and Scripture, you will learn about the importance of renewing the mind as you better understand how your brain has been changed through the addictive cycle of pornography.
To get the most out of this life-changing course, individuals are encouraged to get connected with a group. Here they will find others who will understand the challenges that will be faced along the way. They will hold one another accountable for the choice to seek freedom, and will become a lifeline when faced with temptation as they offer ongoing prayer and support.
As Dr. Ted Roberts, host of the Conquer Series and founder of Pure Desire Ministries, shares,
“You were wounded in community; therefore, you have to be healed in community.”
Helping Women Too
If you’re a female who is struggling, consider talking to your church leadership team to see if they will start a Conquer Group for women. Women, regardless of whether they personally struggle, they are betrayed, or they just want to learn more to better intercede for their brothers and sisters in Christ have found this series to be revolutionary.
Related Article: This Local Church Is Helping Women Deal With Porn & Betrayal
Jan Mozingo, women’s ministry leader of Revive Church in Stuart, Florida hosted a Conquer Group earlier this year. She shared,
“This issue (that has been buried and swept under the rug for decades), is bubbling up in our society, and cannot be swept under the rug any longer! God is GIVING us this opportunity to expose the problem, and expose the enemy, and we must take advantage of this time! Like Esther, He is raising us up for such a time as this! What will we do with this opportunity? Rise up (become knowledgeable and powerful) and DO something or stick our heads in the sand as past generations have done! We must take advantage of this opportunity God gave us!”
She continued,
“The Conquer Series is one of the best, professionally done productions on warfare for this and ANY addiction! We MUST take advantage of this excellent, powerful study…it is truly anointed!”
Whether you want to reach men, women, or couples, now is the chance to respond. Head over to SoulRefiner.com, and check out the courses that are available for use within your church. Let this season be one full of healing, promise, and freedom!
Writing from personal experience and biblical truth to help individuals and families find healing, restore relationships, and discover the redemptive power of God's grace.
More articles by Kayla Sullivan →Frequently Asked Questions
How many women watch porn?
More than the church usually assumes. One organisation reports that one in three porn viewers is a woman. A University of Oklahoma study found that 33 percent of married women view porn at least once a week. Another report estimates 40 million Americans are regular visitors to pornography sites, with roughly two-thirds male and one-third female. These are not rare cases, they are a large and largely silent group.
Do women use porn differently than men?
Often, yes. Research from Covenant Eyes indicates that men tend to prefer images, while women lean more toward erotic stories and romance sites. That difference matters because it lets a woman tell herself that what she is doing does not count. The pull is the same, the escalation is the same, and the shame afterwards is the same. The format simply makes it easier to hide.
What is the difference between conviction and condemnation?
Conviction highlights the sin so that healing can begin. It is not meant to cause pain or shame, and it moves you toward repentance and action. Condemnation highlights the same sin to tell you that you are too dirty to ever be made clean, which is a lie of the enemy. Romans 8 is clear that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ.
What causes someone to get hooked on porn?
For many the root goes far deeper than curiosity or culture. Behind the addiction there is usually a wounded heart, and the wound might come from abuse, harsh words, the ache of neglect after a divorce, or witnessing something traumatic. All it takes is one look to start down the path. As Dr. Ted Roberts, host of the Conquer Series and founder of Pure Desire Ministries, says, "You were wounded in community; therefore, you have to be healed in community."
Can our church start a Conquer Group for women?
Yes, and it is worth asking your leadership team about. Jan Mozingo, women's ministry leader of Revive Church in Stuart, Florida, hosted one and said, "The Conquer Series is one of the best, professionally done productions on warfare for this and ANY addiction! We MUST take advantage of this excellent, powerful study…it is truly anointed!" Women have found it revolutionary whether they are struggling themselves, processing betrayal, or wanting to intercede well. Courses for churches are at SoulRefiner.com.
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